There's a certain image women have in their minds about a Black Christian man. This image is one who attends Bible class throughout the week and Sunday service. It's an image of a man who takes charge and pays all the bills.
That image probably worked in the 1960's, but not in 2016. The reality is men of all religious backgrounds have lied and cheated no matter age, time or decade.
Women (not all) fail to understand a man can't take charge unless you allow him, if not it becomes a game of tug and war. No man wants to feel he's in a competition with his woman as it relates to his manhood within a relationship.
The roles of man and woman has drastically changed. Our views of the good ole days where men did everything have changed as well. Women now have more rights and power than ever before, and to think, America just may be on the brink of electing its first female President.
The role of men have changed in the United States of America. The role of the "agrarian man" who worked with his son in the fields while the woman stayed home is over.
The agrarian man was replaced by the "manufacturing man", this is much attributed to technology which forced the agrarian man to leave working the fields and now working in warehouses as an executive or assembly worker. When this happened, the father no longer worked with his son in the fields.
Daddy had to go work at the steel mill, factory, warehouse, plant, etc., while son stayed at home with mom...however, this is one of the reasons for take your child to work day.
When many manufacturing plants, warehouses, etc., moved overseas it left millions of men jobless.
Then came the boom of women workers into the workforce. No longer was the man the sole bread winner...women were now doing it for themselves.
According to the National Center for Education Statistics (Black women are now the most educated group in the United States of America). Black women earned 66% of bachelor's degrees, 71% of master's degrees and 65% of all doctorate degrees (2009 - 2010).
According to the 2015 State of Women-Owned Business Report, Black women are the fastest growing group of entrepreneurs in America. Black women-owned businesses grew by 74% between 1997 - 2015.
The number of Black women-owned businesses has grown by a whopping 322% since 1997. Today, Black women own roughly 14% of all businesses in the Country which tallies around 1.3 million businesses. Nationwide, Black women-owned businesses employ 300,000 workers and generate $52.6 billion in revenue.
In contrast, the prison population grew by 700% from 1970 - 2005, the incarceration rates disproportionately impact men of color. 1 in every 15 Black men are incarcerated compared to 1 in every 106 White men. According to the Bureau of Justice Statistics, 1 in 3 Black men can expect to go to prison in their lifetime.
There's a great shortage of Black men in church mainly because of prison, gang violence, and lack of church community outreach. Most Black men in churches (and yes they are few) really don't see the need to pull other Black men off the streets and into the church. Part of the reason is laziness relative to evangelism. Most (not all) Black men in church see no need to invite their work buddies or to do street ministry as a means of bringing more men into the church. Why?
Well, most married Black men don't have time to do street ministry and most single Black men aren't ready or willing to do street ministry targeted to Black men because of competition. As of right now the numbers favor the men within the Black church.
When I say numbers I'm speaking of women to men. Most (not all) Black single Christian men are having a ball with the numbers. Most of these men aren't willing or ready to settle down. These men are having sex with multiple women at church and then bragging to each other about it.
The sad part is most Black pastors aren't preaching the importance of family or relationship stability. They're not even condemning men who misuse Black women within the Black church.
Most Black men were never taught by their father or mother to respect their bodies, in fact, in American culture, a man sleeping with many women is actually honored. Professional athletes, movie stars, and artists have all bragged about sleeping with multiple women. Most Black boys' are never told by their parents that their bodies are special. Most Black men don't view their bodies as special which is why most (not all) are promiscuous. If you ask the average Black man if his parents or any family member taught or told him his body was special? He's gonna say no! I've asked this very question to many Black men of various educational backgrounds and they all said no they were never taught to view their bodies as it relates to sex as special.
A lot of Black single Christian men are super-predators. They use women for money, fancy suits, expensive dress shoes, etc! It's utterly disgusting, especially seeing how educated and successful most Black women are compared to Black men. I know Black women with master's and doctorate degrees and can't find a good Black Christian man.
The only solution is to bring more men into the faith of Jesus Christ. Notice I didn't say church because the church system has failed to produce stable relationships and families. Most (not all) of the people getting married in the Black church are those in the in-crowd, those are the only people lucky enough to be married by Passa!
It's also important to note, the Black church isn't the only way to Jesus Christ.
As we move into a more conscious and spiritual movement, many Black women are going to start looking for men outside of the Black church. I don't blame them!
At the present time all we can do is pray Black pastors will teach manhood relative to sexuality. The idea of being responsible as it relates to sex and character. Pastors and spiritual leaders must teach the power of sex and its soul bonding.
In most societies and even Biblically, sex is what makes a man and woman married. When men understand the true meaning of sex is when they'll stop freely having it. The Bible says when a man goes inside a woman she becomes his wife.
The problem with western theology is it doesn't teach the Biblical perspective of sex and marriage. Of course this only applies when one wakes up to his/her higher self of spirit and religion. When you're mentally dead you have no clue of the primitive meaning of things.
For a Black woman to be successful in dating a Black Christian man I'd say pay close attention to his words and actions. If he'll try to screw you on the first date of meeting you then best believe he's done that many times to many women.
Watch how he interacts with other women at church. If he's a flirt then chances are he's also a player. Be sure to see where his mind, spirit and passions are. What are his goals as far as a long term relationship and if he's ready to settle down.
PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE don't give him a hand job or a blowjob! Make him work for your love. Jacob worked a total of 14 years for Rachael!
I know you think you don't have time but you do, you have plenty time. The right love isn't gonna mind putting in work for you, after all you deserve it.
There are some decent Black Christian men out here, but that number is very slim. Most Black single Christian men are in church having the time of their lives screwing as many women as possible.
If you fell into one of their traps please don't feel bad. Just do better next time around, keep your eyes open and stay woke.
Dr. Jim Allen